“My pretty doesn’t concern you.
I just want to say it once so you know.
My pretty isn’t what women have fought for.
My pretty means nothing among the women who I call my friends.
My pretty or lack there of, is nothing of meaning, it holds no worth.
My pretty won’t pay the bills.
My pretty didn’t get me an education.
My pretty won’t comfort me at the end.
My pretty didn’t get me where I am.
My face is something to me because it is mine, all mine.
It makes me, me.
It’s not yours.
It never will be.
My pretty is secondary to my heart, to my humor, to my loyalty.
I never wrote in journals that I wanted to be pretty.
I never plotted out my career around my pretty.
I never got a job because of my pretty.
I never wanted to grow up to be pretty.
I never liked being called pretty, by my lovers or friends.
I’m a god damn vision.
I’m a wolf.
If you tell a wolf she’s pretty or not, she doesn’t care,
she’ll still rip out your throat and stand over your body.
Covered in blood, pretty was never a priority.”– Katharine Anne
I want to believe in love again.
A love that doesn’t have to end in betrayal.
That there are not only monsters hiding under the bed at night but angels too.
There are so many ways to hate you. Like the infinite amount of ways there were to love you.
Wash me clean, baptise me. I want to be renewed.
‘Save me!’ I cry. Speaking only to myself.
We are made of layers, cells, constellations – Anais Nin
Sometimes you just die, still loving someone.
I’m not telling you to make the world better, because I don’t think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I’m just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave’s a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that’s what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it.
It takes courage to do certain things in your life. To make the hard choices. To take risks. Courage got many of us where we are today. Being brave in your actions and decisions often means stepping away from familiar shores, saying goodbye to people you love and throwing yourself whole heartily into the unknown.
Courage enabled me to find photography. My saving grace. My heartbeat. The meaning in my life.
I’m feeling that I’m at the jumping off point. My degree is coming to an end and it’s time to move. To take charge of my career and move somewhere new and big and a little bit scary. Hawai’i is my heart and soul but for now I need to leave it. As of early next year, I plan on moving to New York and spending more time in LA. I feel really determined.