At 19, I loved you. Bouncy 19 year old boy, insatiable lover, sweetheart. You’re still my friend. I smile, for it.
At 24, I loved you. Egotistical, full of sweet nothings. You had no idea who you were. Neither did I. Thank you for introducing me to my favorite author. My favorite singer.
At 27, I loved you. Older, casually boring. Too stable for this wandering star. Too something. Not enough of something else.
At 30, I loved you. Beautiful, intense, insane. We were volatile. The passion though, Oh, the passion. Who could pass on all the P’s. But you scared me and no one wants to live like that. Love, this thing. So strange.
At 32, I loved you. Gentle and funny. I knew straight away. We laughed, a lot. We were like the best of friends. But you had things to do, things to explore. You broke my heart. I still miss you. The friend. The lover. The only person, I’ve travelled to another dimension with. But our love has to live beyond these walls, past those green mountains of my childhood, to the pyramids of time.
And that is Love. And that is part of my life and all of my heart.
My favourite Indian restaurant is nestled between the busy streets of Honolulu. Granted, I’ve never been to India but I do imagine that’s what it tastes like. I woke up on the couch today, hot and tired. I couldn’t really sleep last night. I was falling for a new boy. Southern drawl, wearing a cap and he put tobacco in his lip when he talked to me. I found it fascinating, like the old movies my nana used to watch when I was growing up; completely foreign and beautiful to me. What is it about someone that draws you to them? And how many times do you get called…how many times do you fall in love quietly with a person? Maybe it only lasts a second, or a week or maybe until you’re dead and gone.
I’ve always had this capacity, to love a lot. My love cannot live in a box, it goes crazy and it rots. But in open spaces, it flourishes and lives and welcomes all into the fold. I feel that this has always been my gift and my burden.
There was an incident at Cincinnati Zoo, the other day, where, a Gorilla was shot dead because a boy fell into his enclosure. It makes me incredibly upset to see the way humans treat animals. This is my response to a conversation I had with someone about the incident.
The footage that I have watched hasn’t indicated that the Gorilla was at all hostile at all but even so, if it is the case, the bigger and more important issue at hand here is the way humans treat animals. Zoos are terrible places where people come to gawk at depressed animals that live in unnatural environments. The argument about rehabilitation within Zoos doesn’t shape up anymore because they are no longer about that, with poor and inadequate sized cages (the fact that they have to live in cages at all), where people pay money to come and stare and torment the animals, where animals pace back and forth all day because they’re depressed, stuck in human made enclosures for the pleasure and pursuit of humans. This goes beyond one boy and one Gorilla to a larger example of how misguided human beings have become. If people want to teach their children about animals, take them to their natural environment or to huge reservations that are actually about-rehabilitation. I don’t believe human lives are more important than animal lives or trees or stones or water etc. We are all connected, all created, all family. When one dies, so does the other. We are surely on our way to death.
“Body cells replace themselves every month. Even at this moment. Most everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories.” – Haruki Murakami