The older I grow, the more I realise that there really are no rules. Like this idea of a one true love, or one soul mate. I think it is completely different for each person. I don’t doubt connectivity for a second, I think there are definitely souls that are drawn to each other but for some people I think you can be in love with more than one person at any given time. Everyone has something unique to offer the world. A different skill set, a unusual way of seeing things, attributes that set them apart from others.
A friend once said to me, “Everyone is in an open relationship if you think about it.” I see this to be true. We don’t just connect and talk and interact with one person but in fact have deep and meaningful relationships with lots of people, even if we are in committed relationships, we still maintain plutonic (and sometimes not depending on the makeup of your relationship) interactions with other people.
I think practising love free of possession, control and jealously has so much reward. Let us all move fluidly in this life whether it is by loving one person or many people. There are no rules. There is so much to love. So many things to learn from each other. So many rules to be broken.
The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I’m coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
or the headaches I get from reading in bad light–
a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.
You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.
But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.
Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.
This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.
It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.
- Billy Collins
“Be melting snow.
Wash yourself of yourself.”
― Rumi, The Essential Rumi
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”
“They say there is a doorway from heart to heart, but what is the use of a door when there are no walls?”
I feel grateful to meet amazing souls on my journey. Photographing, Brett McElroy.
I don’t know why but before I go on a trip, I am always anxious. More anxious than excited is the way I feel, a few days leading up to leaving. But once I am setting sail, a wash of sheer relief and a sense of adventure washes over me. I am excited, elated at my dawning journey. I am in the middle of Sonoma right now and I don’t really know where I am in relation to anything and I love it. I just visited the most obscure, beautiful, twin peaks type town; Guernville and I kind of strangely fell in love with it. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before and I have a totally romanticised version of it in my head. Tall red woods, flowing rivers lined with pines and dive bars with country music. A strange bliss. I’m happy to be on the road.
What could you possibly offer me that someone else hasn’t already. And aren’t you just another form of chaos.
Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to relationships. I don’t have the fortitude to brave the new shores of men. I have chosen to seek love elsewhere; in solitude, in photographs, in unknown lands, in the green mountains of home, in the laughter of my friends. After all, didn’t Bukowski say it best,
“there are worse things
than being alone
but it often takes
decades to realize this
and most often when you do
it’s too late
and there’s nothing worse
than too late”
― Charles Bukowski
Some days, all I want to do is make beautiful work. It’s an all encompassing feeling. Being overwhelmed, in the best of ways, by depths of inspiration. It feels like a well filled with gifts. And they surpass all else.
“The world is quiet here.”
― Lemony Snicket