losing things.

Losing things.

When I look back on my life, thus far, I see memories in clips. In beautiful moving images. Some of them are sad and others are blessed. Some of the people that are in my memories are no longer in my life for different reasons, but I mourn them all the same.

Some of my favourite people have died and I’m only 29. I lost my nana when I was 16 and there’s not a day I don’t miss her. She was so incredibly beautiful. You should of seen her; a glow of a woman. Not long after that I lost my Auntie Poppi, she was intensely beautiful too and then there was my friend, Sione; a gem of a human being. But there are other people who are not in my life anymore because we grew apart or something happened or we just stopped keeping in touch. Whatever the reason, I still miss all of them. I know so many people who are able to cut ties completely with people when they feel like the friendship/relationship didn’t really work out. I’m not so good at that. I’m too sentimental. I want to believe the best in people and remember them for it.

There’s one friend in particular. She was one of my best friends. I still laugh about the things we used to laugh about together. She was such a big part of my life and we used to laugh about the fact that we had felt like we had known each other for our entire existence. Sometimes I think of something, or I watch something – remember something and I want to call her or write to her and then I remember that things are complicated and we aren’t the friends we used to be….and then I get really sad. But I feel like we’ve been out of touch for so long that I wouldn’t know what to say other than, “I miss you.”

I guess some people are meant to be like ghosts in your life? You know that they are there somewhere but you don’t really see them. But I’m not entirely sure because not seeing them doesn’t feel right, you make it work but it doesn’t really fit. What I do know is that these moving images in my head are worth more than all the dark yellowed gold buried in this beautiful green earth. I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything. And when I think about you, I think about love. Not hate, nor anguish or anything of that manner. Just love. And I really needed you to know that.

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